“These people are at war with you. Don’t ever tell them your secrets or your insecurities. They will just use it against you to inflict more pain. It’s a harsh reality to accept, but some people really are that hostile towards the world that they really are out to emotionally hurt everyone and anyone. The people they are closest to are just their easiest victims.”
When I first hired my attorney, I was pursuing a divorce through publication (not that I even knew what that was until I was left with a text message and a husband that then disappeared). At that time, mere days after the tsunami, I had no idea what happened and no evidence other than the empty accounts and maxed-out credit. My only option at that juncture was to seek a “no fault” divorce.
And then I found the email. And discovered the affair. And the bigamy.
I learned where he was and contacted the police to report the dual marriage.
Even though that first email, which indicated that band hired for his wedding had not yet been paid, sent me through a dark tortuous path that seemed to birth more questions than answers, I not regret the search for information. The drive for information was too strong. The need for some…
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Source: I am
I am learning a new sense of self. I find myself focusing on just me. Whereas before, I would have been looking, seeing who’s there, who’s there to see me. It’s as if before, I needed other people to see me to know I existed, to give me validation in the world. However, after a while, just seeing me wasn’t enough validation. I then needed someone to smile at me, to talk to me, to buy me a drink, to sleep with me to provide validation. Along the way, I lost myself. It may take some hard work, but I want to truly find myself and that be validation enough. To know that I exist, me, as I am. No need for validation outside of me.
Source: Breaking the Affair Addiction
This blog entry is on mistakes that Betrayed Spouses routinely make during marital recovery. Blunders and errors of judgment that make it unlikely that a marriage will not only survive an affair.. I wrote it after reading blog after blog by Betrayed Spouses who seem to be doing all in their power to sabotage marital recovery and don’t realize it. From my reading, thought and research, I came up with what I think are 21 things to avoid if you want your marriage to survive and thrive after an affair.
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